DO YOU SPEAK BOY?
By: Myra Wallace

OK some say women are from Venus and men are from Mars. Men speak in bold block letters, while women speak in handwritten fine print. I believe what we are really saying is there is a lot of miscommunication happening because we don’t seem to be speaking the same language.  Being the inquisitive person I am, I find our communication with one another a very interesting point of discussion.  With that, I would like to talk to the fellas who have decided to join me in the Male Room.

Though I’ve often considered myself a creative, critical thinker, I’m still operating from a female brain and have yet to really get the just of some frequently used male inspired cliché’s that are specific to the male genre’s way of thinking, thus creating this vast gulf between our ability to understand one another and ultimately communicate love in a manner we each can receive. Let me begin by saying this, as a woman, my need to merely understand these differences is a direct connection to my desire to communicate more effectively with the men in my life, be it my brother, my friend, my nephew, my staff or even more frankly, my man. While in contrast, I often feel as though my male counterparts only need is to simply get to the point, using the quickest route to stifle the Charlie Brown teacher‘s voice that seems to always take the scenic route to their conversation’s destination. From the outside looking in one might equate it to a biblical principle that speaks of a fool and a wise man arguing, and from a distance, not being able to tell which one is the fool and which is the wise man.  We are both so busy trying to communicate in our own language, neither one realized the person they are speaking to doesn’t speak their language. One of my girlfriends said it best, “I don’t speak guy and more than likely the man I might be trying to communicate with, doesn’t speak girl.  So in the end, we both walk away frustrated by our inability to convey our thoughts and feelings, and more importantly the elephant in the room is never addressed.”  I think what we really need is a desire to learn each other’s language. Just like every word in our English language has a root from which it came, I believe men and women have their own language, and I for one would love to take the course in Men Talk 101.

For instance, who came up with the “real men don’t cry” concept? Actually scratch that, who cares who came up with it. My question is would your cool card be revoked if you cried?  Are there conditions with this crying rule? Can you cry, just not in a place where anyone can see you? Can you cry at funerals, but only if the deceased is your immediate family? If you are caught with tears running down your face, should you pretend the tears are actually the result of your allergies? Can you cry, as long as your crying is not accompanied by an over exaggerated audible boohoo? I mean really, what are these crazy rules attached to the male bravado when it comes to men crying? I understand the idea that crying is somehow associated with a sign of weakness, but at some point in our lives, don’t we all have a weak spot?  The way I look at it, men were given tear ducts that are connected to their emotions, just like us women, so if God did not intend for men to cry, their ducts would be missing.

Another frequently used and often misinterpreted statement is, “We’re just friends.” I realize this interpretation can cause an avalanche of responses all by itself, so lets concentrate on getting some clarity on the “just” part. I acknowledge that this is a two way conversation and clarification is required on both ends, so let me start by saying this fellas as a heads up, most times when that “just friends” response is given to a woman, following the inquiry of a specific female in your life, it might, not always, but just maybe, cause a suspicious antenna to go up in the minds of the woman inquiring. Now that antenna may be one of curiosity, jealousy, envy or clarity, but you best believe a follow-up question is sure to come. Even if it never leaves her mouth, many questions may circulate in her head, such as: What kind of friend? Is she an ex-girlfriend, never think of dating friend, co-worker friend, your boy’s girl-friend, like a sister-friend, tried to get with her- friend, like one of the guys friend? I mean the list can go on as to what exactly “just friend” entails. It doesn’t matter if it’s your sister, mother or lady asking you, our minds have a tendency to look for the fine print details in our language as women.  I recently heard a comedian sharing a conversation between he and his wife. He asked her a simple question as to how her day was and he didn’t get why she felt the need to give every single detail of her day. His comedic skit was hilarious, but a very good parallel to the truth.  When she initiated the conversation with the same question, his response was summed up in one word, “fine”, he felt there was no need to share the details of his crummy day, as it would only delay his efforts to catch the game on TV, and encourage her need to ask more questions.

The moral to this story is we may speak different languages, but we can both benefit by taking the time to learn each other’s. I’m open to share my language and I’d love to learn more about yours. A tool that helped me to understand the various languages we speak is a book I read. If you’re interested in a deeper more exhaustive study on communicating with the people in your life, I would suggest this same book titled, Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman.  It will change your life and your ability to communicate with the women in your life.

Thanks for joining me in the male room and I hope you join me next month as I celebrate the greatest gift to women…You.