IS IT TIME TO BREAK UP?
“Holding on to a bad relationship is like holding on to the bumper of a car while it drags you along"....
By: Margo Hudson

Many people stay in unhealthy relationships fearing being alone or starting over. Maybe you’ve told yourself you need to stay for the “the kids” or you believe “he’ll change.” Most don’t and won‘t. Staying ensures you’ll likely find out the hard way! Maybe they’ve proven that they can’t be trusted or it’s apparent that they’re no longer in love with you, or respect you. But yet and still… you stay! Paralyzed with fear. “Do I go, or should I stay?” Things often become more confusing when the sex is good or they‘re providing you with something you’ve become dependent on. If you’re coming to the realization, that your mate is clearly not worthy of the love and devotion you have given them, and you’re drained, it may be time for change. Also, if you stay with someone who’s clearly ready to go, eventually you’ll hurt each other with some frivolous indiscretion. Sometimes people simply grow apart or were never compatible from the start.. Whatever the reason, people are who they are and you can’t change them into who you really want! I value the famous words of Dr. Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Holding on to a bad relationship is like holding on to the bumper of a car while it drags you along, all you have to do is let go, to alleviate the pain!

In love, the beginning is always dreamy. It seems as if you are floating on clouds, and almost everything they do and say is what you like. Everyone is on their best behavior and out to impress one another. This “tap-dancing” is natural, but it makes it hard to get below the surface. It takes longer to see the deeper truth about someone if you’ve never lived together, no matter how long you’ve been dating. If the truth is revealed, it’s discovered to be toxic and you have the responsibility to make a decision.

Staying in a toxic relationship will cause you extensive damage that can take precious time to repair. If your children are exposed (and they experience more than we think), you can add several more years of damage to that pot, because they may be affected into their adulthood. Stressful relationships are also very physically unhealthy. Ever notice when after being in a long stressful relationship, you start looking and feeling older and tired? The life is slowly being sucked out of you! Women have been known to suffer more from relationship related stress.

Breaking up is painful and uncomfortable for everyone involved and there‘s no way around it. A break up may cause you heartache, sleep loss, temporary loneliness, or even temporary insanity. But please believe me when I say, “this is all “TEMPORARY.” Yes, it’s easier said than done, but you’ll get through it in time. Below are a few revealing questions I’ve found very useful when faced with this important decision. If answered honestly, these are certainly “warning lights” that can save you years of heartache or even your life, but only if you catch them early enough!

1. Could you stay and accept him/her “as is” if he/she never changed?

2. Does he/she bring out the worst in you?

3. Does he/she often take little jabs at your self esteem, making you feel bad about yourself?

4. Does he/she do and say negative things that separate you from your family or any other positive support system you may have?

5. Does he/she treat you and your family with love and respect?

6. Does he/she often engage in negative behavior then try to make you responsible for it somehow?

7. Does he/she become destructive or violent when expressing himself/herself? (with objects, people, or himself/herself)

8. Does he/she have a pattern of lying, cheating, or manipulating you?

9. Does he/she abuse drugs or alcohol?

10. Do you want to be with him/her?

If you continue delaying the inevitable, you’re only prolonging your healing time and rejuvenation process that’s necessary to move forward and have healthy relationships. If you adapt to being treated poorly, your self-worth diminishes and you’ll began to believe that you can’t do any better. When you’re not feeling good about yourself you’ll accept someone’s disregard and mistreatment of you or your children. Remember this, “The relationships you choose, whether an asset or a liability to your life, are the same ones you’re choosing for your children.“ Never wait for someone who’s treating you poorly to make the decision to break up.

Take back your POWER!! If you’ve done all you can, and discover someone’s still not good for you., love yourself enough to let them go. Honor yourself and you’ll make the best decision. You can’t change anyone, so the best thing you can do for your own health and sanity is to… know when to walk away.