Welcome to the male room. Take a seat, sit back and get comfortable so we can chat for a moment. I know you might be thinking, “this conversation is going to be one-sided”, since I’m doing all of the talking, but I assure you this is not the male bashing room, but rather a place where I choose to celebrate the beautiful men in our lives and in the world. I would like for us to talk about some things. My hope is that we will be able to open up some dialogue between the sexes and that by sharing our issues through some brutally honest, transparent discourse we will once again reconnect our vital woman-to-man, man-to-woman communications.
The other night I was at a friend’s party talking with two guys about - - well, for a lack of better words…stuff. After a while the stuff began to get deep - - ending with some very deeply rooted conversations about their personal relationships and the women in those relationships. The two men engaged in this conversation were both very passionate about their perception of the females of focus in their lives. Their perspectives brought about some very interesting insight to how men really perceive many of the casual, everyday actions and attitudes that we women portray.
As the conversation took twists and turns down the precarious path of bad relationships, I realized something that has always lurked in the recesses of my mind. Why is it that when a relationship ends in a less-than-agreeable way, be it divorce, separation, break-up or infidelity, it’s thought to be the man’s fault? Now hold up, before you close the page and shut down your computer, let me say this. I realize there may be just as many disloyal, dishonest women as there are men, but who’s really counting? And better yet, who needs to point fingers? A seriously overlooked issue is the fact that men are hurting just as hard, often and deeply as women. Often times it appears as though women are the only ones who come out of the relationship hurting; like we’ve somehow cornered the market on profound sentiment and emotion when it comes to being the victim of a relationship gone badly. I know for a fact that men hurt too. A as a dear brother once told me, unlike the band of sisterhood that we women form, most men typically only have only one or two really intimate friends in whom they feel comfortable or confident in expressing their true feelings, their “vulnerability.” It’s just not something they do, or do with ease. Men suffer in silence. For the most part, our male counterparts have mastered the art of the “poker face” with their practical minds trying to make sense of it they usually resolve to become “the bigger person”, believing it’s their role to “suck it up, and keep it moving.” But are they really able to keep it moving? What happens when those bottled-up emotions go unchecked? What happens when you (his next love interest) become the victim of emotions he has not yet dealt with? Is it not as easy as they make it seem? In the farthest recesses of their minds and in the stillness of solitude, just like women do, many men are left wondering, “what the heck happened?” We need to allow men to grieve the loss of a relationship just as women are allowed to, and not assume that it’s his entire fault. After all, it does take two people to build a relationship.