I In the spirit of this edition of BCF magazine and its theme of “Living Free”, I feel compelled to address this ethos in terms of personal finance. However, living free here does not imply the obvious, i.e. “free of debt”. I am referring to freedom from the bondage I have witnessed many women being subjected to when it comes to money.
Women are nurturing individuals, and I recall seeing women in my family always putting others first. Like many women, their innate maternal instinct led them to be unprepared for emergencies or for retirement. Money that should be allocated to savings and retirement accounts were funneled to assist others in need, while expenses were incurred to give-in to a whiny toddler, indulge a pleading relative, or to satisfy the latest fashion cravings of a nagging teenager. However, there has to be a point where you weigh-in the pros and cons of such actions and put your foot down. The saying “You cannot be all things to everybody” holds true here. My advice would be to only loan out what you can afford to lose and really assess your finances before putting yourself on the line. Similar to the oxygen-mask analogy on a plane, you should make sure you are safe and sound first BEFORE attending to the person next to you. Not having an adequate savings cushion or a well-funded retirement plan puts you at the mercy of life’s uncertainties and make you a potential burden for said loved ones in your old age. When needed, free yourself from that nurturing bondage and do yourself a favor by paying yourself first. You will be better off in the long run and your family will thank you for it.
Our consumerist society somehow convinced women that they are not accomplished unless they are wearing the latest designer items or driving the nicest cars. The bondage here is in their propensity to want to make themselves feel good or even impress others, in the fallacy that all these things matter and validate them. This is why I admire this magazine founder’s push to bring to the forefront other skin-deep aspects of beauty. Material things are usually just “stuff” that we accumulate and it has no long-term effect on a person’s well being the way a savings account or a retirement product does. Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating against said items as much as I am asking for a reality check. Being able to pay for something and being able to afford it are two distinct things and I am sure most people know the difference. I am a firm believer in living within one’s means and that is the point I am making. Recognizing your triggers is important when it comes to conspicuous consumption: if you know you can’t control yourself at the mall, leave your credit cards at home. By freeing yourself of such concerns and going back to what is important (i.e. the financial well-being of your family and yourself), you can pay less attention to what people think of what you drive or what you wear because you have an ultimate purpose in mind. As for validation, you can find it in a closer relationship with GOD and that is a priceless endeavor that actually doesn’t cost you anything.
However, the ultimate bondage in financial matters is Fear. I have met many women who were afraid to profess their lack of knowledge of financial matters or even worse, to disagree with whoever was helping them with their finances (husband, financial advisor, etc). This phenomenon is across the board even among affluent women: from models, singers, actresses and entertainers, the list goes on. You should keep in mind that it is YOUR money at stake and you are entitled to voicing your concerns or lack of understanding.